


Wanting to be Saved

by stargazerlilith



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Internal Conflict
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 13:48:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10900623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargazerlilith/pseuds/stargazerlilith
Summary: Harry wonders why he has stayed after all these years...





	Wanting to be Saved

**Author's Note:**

> This work does not reflect Ginny in a good light. I'm sorry if you are looking for a happy fic. This is not it.

Harry groaned and covered his face using the palm on his hand. He could feel the heat from the fireplace and leaned back in his chair. The kids were home for the holidays and he had just got them all tucked in. He knew the house was still a mess, but it could wait. He just needed to sit down-- just for a second.

 

_It just was so bloody fucking hard trying to figure out what to do. He was just so damn tired. Was it so wrong to want someone to take care of him for once?_

 

It wasn’t like things were always this way. At least, he didn’t think so. Sure, Ginny had made suggestions in the early days of what he should have done.  He didn’t pay much attention to it thinking that it was just the trauma of the war.

 

_But, now he was so fucking tired._

 

It had been subtle, once they were married. Ginny demanded all of his attention and would make remarks when he didn’t give her what she wanted. It was always something that made him doubt his abilities as a husband, a protector, a lover and eventually a father.

 

When James was born, he thought things would get better. They had a child to think about. _God, he was stupid._ He would get fire-calls demanding he come home and deal with damn baby. Or worse.

 

Once, after a particularly nasty case, he came home to James screaming and Ginny just staring at wall. He took over the care of the baby after that. Ginny was happier as along as she wasn’t inconvenience.

 

He asked her to see a Mind-Healer. She did once and the Mind-Healer looked at him like he was crazy. That's when he knew that it wasn’t the war or any other trauma. Just the way she was.

 

He thought with her having such a large loving family that she would love to have one as well. He had idealized her and struggled with the faults.

 

Ginny got a job and things settled for a while. He still heard about little things he could have done better from the cooking, the cleaning, and how their son behaved. But, he could took it in stride. He loved her and wanted her happiness.

 

When Albus came along, he was the happiest man. He loved the idea of another child; someone for James to grow with-- something that he never had.

 

Ginny seemed happy at first... until the baby was born. She didn’t seem to want to do anything with him except what was strictly necessary. Harry just didn’t understand it.  And it was worse when Lily came into the picture. She barely paid any attention to her.

 

During this time, Ginny went through many jobs. Nonetheless, Harry supported everyone one of them; even when, she would just quit them. Those were periods where she stayed home and did what she wanted. Not once, did she help with the house or the kids. He had tried during one of those times to get her to help him get the kids ready. But, she just ignored him and told him to figure it out.

 

A god forbid that he got hurt on the job.  She would dote on him until company left. Then, she would ask him how long this would last and for him to stop acting like a baby. Sometimes, she would storm out before his wound had to time to heal.  He forgot how many times he had to dragged himself around the house trying to care for children.

 

As the children grew older, Ginny started to harp on them about what they could do better. She was never satisfied. She wanted them to be perfect.

 

Harry rowed with her over and over about it. It never mattered. She didn’t want to be inconvenienced in anyway including when children were just children.

 

In public, she was the perfect wife and mother. She charmed everyone and doted on the kids. At the Burrow, she would make gushes about her perfect husband, but _couldn’t he have defeated the Dark Lord before he killed Fred? Or couldn’t he have stop Malfoy before Bill got maimed? Or don’t you think that Lily could act more like Rose? Or don’t you think James should try to be as smart as Victoire?_

 

Ron ignored the way his sister treated him and the kids. Hermonie would shake her head when Ginny would let something slip.

 

Harry rubbed his eyes. He didn’t understand why he was thinking of all of this. _It didn’t do anything good. It would just make him angry._

 

Ginny and him never really talked anymore. It was usually just about work and the kids. If he had to be gone more than a few days, her mother would come and take care of the kids.  

 

Harry could just feel himself getting angrier and angrier. _This wasn’t what he thought he wanted. He wanted support and loving spouse. Not whatever the bloody hell this was._

 

She would have periods where he would get a scrap of what he wanted. She would tend to the kids, she would pay attention to him, but it never lasted. _Just long enough to make him hope._

 

He had demanded to see a marriage healer. She just shrugged her shoulders and ignored him. Shortly after that, he had come home to see her slap James. She panicked when she saw him. But cried and pleaded, stating her anger got the best of her. She claimed she would never do it again.

 

Harry just wanted things to work so much. _Marriage was supposed to be forever. You were supposed to quit once it got hard._ So, he accepted her apology and tried to help her.

 

He was thankful that the kids were at Hogwarts now. He had started to see them change and he hoped Hogwarts would help them grow where he had failed. Lily had started to have meltdown fits, Albus retreated into himself and cried at any slight criticism, and James did anything just to get notice. All of them hesitated to make decisions in front of their mother; which would make her yell and swear.

 

Hell, him and Ginny hardly spoke now. She went off to her job and he did his. Most of his conversations happened at work. He was currently working on transferring into become a professor. He was currently studying to get the proper credentials through the proper channels. He wanted to make sure he would do his best. He didn’t want to do auror work anymore, since it took so much of his time. Teaching would allow him to be near the children and still provide. When he told Ginny, she just shrugged her shoulders. He was doing it himself.

 

_Just like everything else…_

 

_He just didn’t know what the fuck to do?_

 

He had saw a solicitor once. It wasn’t a noteworthy meeting. The solicitor agreed to a binding vow to not disclose any information or identities. He asked simple questions and he answered. At the end of the meeting, the solicitor had said something that stuck with hm. “Mr. Potter, marriage is about support each other and baring the burden. Who shares your burden?” and with that went back to organizing his paperwork.

 

That was two years ago and he still stayed.

He didn’t know why he stayed.

 

_But, fuck he was bloody fucking tired. Where was his support? Was it wrong to be selfish? Was it wrong to want to be taken care? Where was his Saviour?_


End file.
